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Erotic female intimacy

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Erotic female dysfunction and solutions

Intimacy Issues

1)   Having a thoughtless or clumsy partner. 

2)   Not feeling safe with their partner. 

3)   Not feeling close to their partner.

4)   Being overly concerned about their partner’s needs or thoughts throughout sexual activity, instead of focusing on their own pleasure and letting go to receive. 

5)   Feeling criticized around doing this in the past or within the current relationship. 

These are just some of the issues that may need to be explored should one find that after several attempts female ejaculation has not been able to be achieved. 

Suggestions To Overcome Obstacles 

Psychological Inhibitions Concerning Morals & Femininity

The basic idea is that this is normal, natural, and quite frankly a beautiful, sensual expression of a woman’s sexuality. If you or your partner struggle with belief systems that are contrary to this, I truly hope that you can reevaluate what you have been taught, and find your own truth from the depths of your heart. As a holistic psychotherapist, I have a strong personal and professional emphasis on spirituality. In my belief system, I honor the presence within each of us as having a soul. (If this is not within your belief system, that is certainly a view I respect and honor as your own, and you may read this knowing that it is important that we all honor what is true and right for us as individuals.) As my belief in the soul constitutes that we must find a way to evolve (being what I believe to be the whole purpose of our entire existence) on all levels~ of the mind, body and spirit. I see the acceptance and encouragement of female ejaculation in our society as a step for women to embrace and be empowered through their sexuality. It is time for our daughters to learn that their sexual feelings are normal, that they are in fact beautiful, and experiencing them in any situation that enables respect and integrity to themselves and a partner is ultimately a way for us all to evolve into more complete beings. 

Important To Think About 

Sex and one’s sexuality is not wrong, shameful, or immoral. 

Lying, judging, cheating, manipulating, violent behavior, intimidation, and not honoring others or ourselves is wrong and contradictive to our evolution. When you mix the two things listed above, sex begins to take on the flavor of being wrong or immoral. However, it is not sex or one’s sexuality that is the problem, it is the ill intent behind it or any other behavior that carries with it the basis of dysfunction and were we need work. 

Ideas & techniques for female ejaculation

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More intense orgasms and pleasure

Getting Creative And Having Fun:

Finger & Hand Techniques 

Finger and hand techniques are quite effective for stimulating the female genitals in order to achieve female ejaculation. You will want to wash your hands well and make sure that you do not introduce harmful bacteria into the vagina… particularly the urethra. It is always a good idea to trim fingernails, so as to not cause pain if using finger play to sexually stimulate. Also, no matter how “wet” a woman is from her own excitement, a generous amount of lubrication, is a great idea as it feels really good to have a lot of hot liquid to stimulate the nerve endings more easily. Any woman will tell you that dry or kinda dry, intense vaginal play HURTS! 

Lubricants

When it comes straight out of the dispenser, it can be a tad bit cold and be uncomfortable when applied to the genitals. A good tip is to warm lubricant slightly before applying it. Try the flavored and scented brands for extra fun! 

A quick note to consider

It may be difficult to stimulate the g-spot for the solo explorer as the fingers may not be long enough to adequately reach the most sensitive area. In addition, if one hand is stimulating your clitoris, it can limit access to your vaginal opening with your other hand. That is why toys are very helpful to the solo gusher. 

Ideas & techniques for female ejaculation

The Double Pleasure Clamp Techniques For A Woman’s Partner 

The Clamp The Two-fingered Clamp The Clamp techniques are quite effective, especially for achieving female ejaculation. The following is step-by-step instructions on how to implement it

1)   The Clamp - Stimulates the clit using the thumb, while using one or more fingers to stimulate the g-spot. A good position is when you are able to be in front of a woman. Most women prefer one to two fingers; although some women like a lot of pressure and three to four can be used as well. 

2) The Two-fingered Clamp - is best used when a woman is on her knees or standing with her bottom outward such as shown in the picture to the left. Her partner then uses this technique from behind her. The thumb stimulates the g-spot, and the fingers make a “V” around her clit. 

The Pleasure Of The Penis, Dildos & G-spot Stimulators

Whether you provide the vagina with the pleasure of a penis, dildo, or g-spot stimulator, the most effective stimulation from any of them is using rhythmic thrusting with pressure. These rhythmic movements create vibrations, which induce pleasure in the cervix and uterus as well as in the G-spot and vagina. When a penis, dildo, G-spot stimulator, etc. is introduced into the vaginal opening, the initial pleasure is primarily from the feeling of distention or fullness. If the object inserted is thick in circumference increased pleasure from the distention of the vaginal walls may be heightened as the G-spot is provided with intensified pressure the more the vagina is filled. This sexual stimulation is due to the highly sensitive plethora of nerve endings in the g-spot. While discomfort may initially be felt, these sensations may gradually fade. I was hesitant to even mention this, as it may contribute to men out there having their insecurities about their penis size made worse… but please note that I am not finished with this point so please read on!  A penis or object that is curved upward such as a g-spot stimulator places pressure on the g-spot and this can be just as stimulating, so while width is a positive pleasure inducer, it is not as important as where the penis stimulates a woman in her vagina and the pressure it provides to the g-spot. 

Orgasmic orgasms

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Female orgasms

Orgasmic Facts

Did you know that most women experience three to fifteen muscular contractions, occurring less than one second apart during their orgasms? It’s true! There are two types of vaginal contractions that occur during the female orgasm. The first involves the outer part of the vaginal muscles, while the other involves the deeper type of contraction of the uterus as well as the pelvis and anus. Both are fun! 

Premature Female Orgasms

Also called “the incomplete orgasm.” This is when an orgasm begins, is interrupted, and then fades away before the total release is achieved. Isn’t this one a bummer?! I don’t know many orgasmic women who haven’t had this happen at least once. Usually it is an external or emotional distraction that keeps this from happening, and that is why it is often good to make sure that you have your environment conducive to your sexual experience so you don’t have this disappointment to contend with. My feeling is that if this happens, when you can, get back on the horse (or your partner), relax and know that you’ll get there when you are ready. 

Empty Female Orgasms

Referred to as “orgasmic anesthesia,” which is an orgasm that has a vaginal contraction, but is absent of pleasurable or erotic sensations.  Why this occurs is not certain. My theory is that often it is psychological, however physical causes should not be ruled out. The reason I think it highly psychological is that I have interviewed women who have experienced them (including myself) and it is something that only occurs on a rare occasion. It kinda feels like you are building to the orgasm then, when it happen, you know you just had one, but it just did not feel like much. I find that most women indicate that it is when you are “trying” a bit to hard to get the “task” accomplished, or the timing was too long or too short before cumming. This is not true in all cases, but worthy of noting. 

Orgasmic orgasms

Orgasms, Orgasms And Oh, Oh Yes… Orgasms

Some women like to get in several orgasms to really get that feeling of being sated physically, and emotionally. I know that I really love having a clitoral orgasm and then a vaginal one to feel like one happy chick. Some women have told me that they also like having a specific series of climaxes to achieve an optimal feeling of fulfillment. For example, one woman I interviewed stated that she really liked a clitoral, a vaginal and an anal orgasm in the course of an evening with her lover. 

Women And Quickie Orgasms

 There is a myth out there that women prefer to have longer sexual experiences in order to feel satisfied, and while everyone is different, this is not necessarily true. Some women can have an orgasm pretty quickly; especially when they have a technique that they have found really gets them there quickly. For me, using a vibrator to stimulate a clitoral orgasm can get me there in as short a time as 30 seconds. When I have told clients about a woman’s ability to get there that quickly they are usually quite surprised. Remember that not all women can or would want to climax that quickly. However, if you can find a technique that will allow for a quicker climax, then getting a woman to truly enjoy an occasional short sexual interlude is not out of the question. If you are a partner to a woman and are not sure what her best technique is ask her and/or figure it out together! 

This is not to say that hours of sexual play are not desirable… because believe me, there can be nothing finer! However, a nice quick moment to pause and take in some sexual ecstasy is pretty cool too. Most women I have spoken to agree that getting herself to cum first, and then finishing off her partner is always a bonus. 

Masturbation When Sex Is Not Fulfilling

There are many women out there that have never had an orgasm other than through masturbation. They wait for their partner to leave and then “get off,” because they could not during sex. The old saying “There are no frigid women, only clumsy men,” is in my opinion a poor statement. It is ALWAYS the responsibility of both partners to communicate openly about their needs and to provide directives to their partner to aide the sexual evolvement in any relationship.  Don’t let this type of behavior go on, take a risk, grow, and communicate your sexual needs. 

Female ejaculation content

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Erotic female ejaculation insides

Worried About The Urine Content? 

Honestly, I feel it should not matter what the exact contents of the fluid being expelled are, as the most important component here is that it is a pleasureful release for women to experience, and pretty sexy to see! It is of course completely natural to wonder what it is; I mean, I sure wanted to know what it was… admit it, it’s intriguing!

 Also, remember it is not like a woman is simply urinating, although for those of you out there that like a nice golden shower this may be a minor point to make!  For those of you that are concerned that this liquid may have a drop or two of pee in it… just remember that it is mostly ejaculate and keep it in perspective. When I saw it come out of myself, I can tell you that it really does look a bit like water, and smells sweet. It reminded me of the embryonic fluid that came out of me when my son was being born and my water broke. When I first did it, I was really amazed at how much came out (about 2 cups worth), and from what I understand, most women can squirt as much as 1.5 - 2 cups of the fluid when ejaculating. 

This liquid has been analyzed by far too few scientists, and by a whole lot of chicks in the bedroom curious about what just drenched their sheets!  Just  a  thought  about  the  lack  of research… imagine if scientists said, “We don’t know the specifics of what is in semen, but we’re  pretty  sure  it  does  something.”  Good grief! Can we finally recognize that women’s sexuality is important enough to study? Hey, as a woman it is obvious why I think it important, but here is a motivator for men who are a bit hesitant to get on the bandwagon here… think about it from a more selfish standpoint… the more information you  can  get  on  women’s  bodies  and  their sexuality, the better lover you will be, the more excited a woman (or women) will be to get in on with you! More sex and better sex! Yayyy!  

What Does It Look, Taste, And Smell Like? 

The women I interviewed as well as women in other studies, who expel fluid during an orgasm, report that the color, smell, consistency, and even taste, varies from one occurrence to the next. However, most of the women that I interviewed indicated that it was mild in smell and somewhat sweet. As with all bodily fluids there is variation from person to person and from time to time. 

Safe Sex Note~ It is safe for a person to taste their own ejaculate, and for couples who already exchange body fluids, but not for couples needing to practice safe sex. 

Some Factors That Will Influence The Characteristics Of The fluid Menstrual cycle Diet Liquid Intake There are women who report that it is sometimes clear and odorless, other times thicker and stronger in odor. It is safe to say, most women’s ejaculate will vary with time, even during a single sexual episode. 

Female ejaculation content

How Much Liquid Comes Out? 

The amount of fluid that is expelled varies from woman to woman as well as from sexual experience to experience. It can be a mere dribble to as much as two cups!  When you think about it, two cups is a lot of liquid, and you may be wondering as I did where it all comes from. Rest assured, we will explore that in great detail in just a few moments. 

How Many Times Can A Woman Do It? 

That depends on the woman. What I can tell you from my interviews is that most chicks enjoy a break after doing it a few times, and need several hours to recuperate. However, there have been some women who report that they go on and on like the “Energizer Bunny.” One woman claimed to have done it fifteen times in an eight-hour period! On this note, I want to mention that drinking a lot of water is probably a good idea for preventing dehydration! 

Tantric self-analysis

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Tantric dating life

What you have to offer Would you date yourself?  

This is not a frivolous question.  For a moment, take the perspective of a woman who is actually interested in you.  Perhaps you have even been on a couple of dates together.  Now, ask yourself these questions: “What draws me to this man?  Why do I want to see him again?”  Take a look at the inventory of values that you came up with in the previous exercise (and if you didn’t do the exercise, go back and do it - the rest of the book hinges upon that information).  How many of those would you be able to fulfill in a relationship with a woman? 

Exercise

Walking the walk Determine how many of the values you came up with in Exercise 5 are ones you can actually provide in a relationship. 

It’s very important to be honest with yourself in this exercise.  No one is looking over your shoulder, and all of this information is for your benefit alone, so it is to your advantage to provide the most accurate information possible.  Now look at that list of values again.  If you feel that you can provide all of those values in a relationship, great.  If not, perhaps you have some work to do in those departments.  For example, let’s say ‘spontaneity’ and ‘honesty’ are two values that you cherish in a relationship, yet you tend to shy away from new activities, or be very secretive about your thoughts and feelings. Since this is clearly not compatible with your stated values of ‘spontaneity’ and ‘honesty’, you must either change your behavior to become consistent with your values, or change your values to become consistent with your behavior.  You can’t demand standards from your partner that you cannot meet yourself. 

Tantric self-analysis

Exercise  

Take stock of your relationship assets Write down everything about you that is interesting and attractive.  What reasons would a woman have to see you again, or to stay with you in a relationship? 

This exercise is an honest assessment of your value on the relationship marketplace.  What do you have to offer?  Are you funny?  Affluent?  Exceptionally generous and kind?  Do you provide witty conversation?  Can you stimulate her mind? Her body?  Do you have exceptional sexual expertise?  Do you have an infectious sense of adventure and wonder?  Write down every reason that a woman would want to spend time with you, from the most trivial to the most important.  Having done that, let’s take a brutally honest look at this list to find out which of the items would actually matter to a woman.  For example, you may have an exceptional collection of GI Joe action figures, or be able to quote extensively from Animal House and Monty Python’s Holy Grail.  But will she necessarily care about that?  You want to assess what she (not your buddies) will see as an asset. But how do you make this assessment?  What do women really want?  The broad answer to that is that women (and men) seek things that makes them feel good.  Your 

mastery of baseball statistics is probably not one of those things.  Your gourmet cooking ability and sappy love poems, on the other hand, are much better bets.  My research indicates that consciously or unconsciously, women seem to look for three chief qualities in a man: 

1. Status and Strength 2. Humor 3. Romance 

Once again, each one of them ties back to the feelings they evoke in a woman.  Strength and status in a man make her feel safe and well-provided.  Humor makes her feel alive and happy.  Romance makes her feel cherished and loved.  

Erotic sensual sexual touch

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Erotic sensual games

Exploring sexual touch with your partner can be a wonderful way to deepen sexual intimacy, and discover new aspects of your own (and your partner’s) sexuality. Sexual touch is not about orgasm, it’s about exploration. Try not to think of it as another technique to get to some end point. Some people consider this kind of exploration to be “energy work” or “spiritual sex”, but it isn’t necessary to name it in that way order to do it. Here’s How:

1. Take time for touch. Exploring with touch is a subtle and intimate activity. Make a date to do this when there won’t be many distractions, and when you don’t have to rush off somewhere in half an hour. This is definitely not a “quickie” kind of sex.

2. Ground yourself. Think about exploring touch with your partner almost as a kind of meditation. Try to clear your mind before you start this kind of sex. Time it to happen right after you’ve exercised, or done yoga, or just go for a walk beforehand. Even more than other kinds of sex, if you’re distracted both you and your partner will be aware of it, so you want to do your best to feel calm and “grounded”.

3. Make your partner comfortable. Start off with a hot bath, give them some time to themselves (if that’s hard to come by in your house), whatever is comforting and relaxing for them. If they are living with physical pain make sure they get into a comfortable position. You don’t have to do this on a bed, although that might be best for some people. You can do it on a mat on the floor, or on a comfortable chair. Use pillows and blankets to get your partner as comfortable as they can be.

4. Set the mood. Make the lighting soft, make sure the room temperature is comfortable (not too hot, and not too cold), put on some music that won’t be too distracting (probably avoid music with lyrics). The goal is to create an atmosphere that will take you both to a deeper level of relaxation, but not distract either of you from experiencing what is happening between you.

5. Suggest that your partner close their eyes. Exploring sexual touch is a unique experience because in some ways it is an intense solitary sexual experience that you do together. You want to try and be free of any self-consciousness. Some people ask the partner being touched to wear a blindfold, or just keep their eyes closed. You may find this frees you up to move and touch in ways that might feel awkward if you were being watched.

6. Take time to take in your partner’s entire body. If you don’t have impaired vision, look at your partners body as they are lying there. Start with their feet, and slowly work your way up the body, just with your eyes. Don’t do this with a critical eye, or even with a goal in mind, just let your eyes wander slowly up your partner’s body, much in the way you might take in a huge canvas in an art gallery.

7. Talk to your partner and tell them about a few parts of their body you love. Start by saying “I love the way…” or “I can’t stop looking at…” Maybe it’s their elbow, or their bum, or their neck. This is only a time for positivity, so focus on the things that are attracting you in the moment, or have always turned you on. If your eyes want to linger back to one part, keep them moving up the body until you’ve got to the top of their head.

Erotic sensual sexual touch

8. Begin touching your partner. You can start on any part of the body. But start with the smallest amount of touch you can do while actually making skin to skin contact. Consider this to be the tactile version of a whisper. Try to keep this going for a while, playing with touching your partner in the quietest and most subtle way you can.

9. Pay close attention. Notice both your partner’s reactions to your touch and how it feels to you. Pay attention to how it feels for them: are they making noises, watch for changes in their facial features, notice how their skin changes beneath your touch. Pay attention to how it feels for you: notice the difference in how their body feels beneath your touch: parts of their body will be fleshy, bony, muscular, notice how some of their skin is smooth, some bumpy, where there are scars.

10. Touch with different parts of your body. You might want to start with the tips of your fingers, or the back of your hand, or the side of your wrist. Notice how touching your partner with different parts of your body feels different. Pay attention to their reaction. Touching them with your fingertips might feel a bit rough compared to touching them with the side of your hand.

11. Experiment with different kinds of touch. You can draw one finger slowly along your partner’s thigh, or let the back of your hand trail along their belly. You can tap, rub, scratch, and tickle. Your touch can be firm and commanding, or it can follow the lines and curves of your partner’s body without any input from you at all.

12. Play with the intensity of the touch. Switch back and forth between firm and vigorous touch to soft and gentle touch. Avoid any quick changes in how you are touching. Try to make any transitions slowly so that you’re partner isn’t even aware of them.

13. Add more touch. If you’ve started with your fingers or one hand, use your other hand, or gently use your leg or a foot to press against a different part of your partner’s body. There isn’t one way to do this, but increase the kinds of touching you are doing. Tips: Your energy level is important for touching. Don’t try to have this kind of sex when you’re tired or when you are too hyper. 

Exploring sexual touch isn’t about orgasm, it is about exploration. Often an orgasm may happen, but this isn’t the goal. Focus your mind on the task at hand (pardon the pun) and not on where it is going to end. It may intensify the experience for you if you include imagery. As you are touching your partner imagine actual warm energy flowing out of your body and into your partner’s body via the touching. 

Erotic relaxation foreplay and mans

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Erotic relaxation main tips

Men and foreplay

He says: Sadly, sometimes foreplay can seem boring, perhaps even tedious, to a man. The truth is that if you’re able to focus on giving your partner sexual pleasure and your intention is to arouse her, you’ll find that her arousal will feed back to you and make you even more aroused. This will eventually lead to a fantastic orgasm rather than just a good one when you do eventually come inside her.

She says: If you don’t enjoy foreplay, ask yourself why. If it is boring or hard work for you then something is wrong with the way you are going about it, rather than foreplay itself. Mostly, sex and foreplay become boring when they are repetitive and always the same. Try something new instead or talk to your lover what you might rather do instead. Keeping foreplay interesting might not be as easy as it sounds, but it’s essential for sex to stay exciting. 

Erotic relaxation foreplay and mans

He says: One of the great pleasures of foreplay is being able to enjoy sensuous skin-to-skin contact with your partner. Take the time to look at each other too, for the visual stimulation of each other’s naked bodies can be a real turnon. Savour your kisses, and take things slowly. This can be especially important for men, who may become so aroused that they desperately wish to move straight to penetration and ejaculation. But the longer you extend your foreplay, the greater the volume of semen you’ll produce when you do eventually ejaculate, and this in turn will make your orgasm and ejaculation feel much more powerful and satisfying. 

She says: Some delaying and waiting can be rather sexy, don’t you think? 

He says: There are no set rules about foreplay. The normal ebb and flow of sex can lead you naturally from one type of foreplay to another. For example, undressing each other may be a matter of urgency on the way to the bedroom, or it may be a slow sensuous process which extends throughout your foreplay. Similarly, kissing can be something you enjoy at any time during foreplay. By the way, it’s always important to be comfortable, so shifting position every so often to avoid a crick in the neck or any aching limbs during cunnilingus is a very good idea. (Of course, that’s true during fellatio as well!) 

She says: Feel free to take the pressure off. When you go with the flow, foreplay may not always develop into penetration. It will adjust itself to what feels right between the two of you at that point. It allows you to be really present rather than having to perform. If you are really keen your ardour will communicate itself to your partner. Sometimes things might not work out the way you want them to, but there will be other times when you think that sex couldn’t get any better. If there are regular issues between you and your partner when it comes to sex, talk about them! 

Sensual erotic sex secrets

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Sensual erotic cold tricks

7 Sex Secrets Every Cosmo Girl Must Know

A babe like you deserves to have the kind of sex that burns up the bedroom every time, which is why we devised this list of the golden rules of erotic bliss. Consider this your pleasure bible. Learn these techniques and there’s no way you’re having a dud night. How many of us have contorted ourselves into twisty pretzel shapes, lit dozens of aphrodisiac candles or even got Secretary-kinky, all in the name of better, hotter sex? And hey, it’s true that a little off-the-beaten-path pleasuring can add a whole lotta spice to your lovin’. But no matter how far you go with the fancy moves and jazzy tricks, it always comes back to the Cosmo classics — bed-devil skills like knowing exactly how to handle your guy down below and getting the absolute most from your G-spot. So dig in: We’ve determined the seven erotic essentials that must be set in motion for great sex to happen. Learn these and there’s no way you’re having a dud night. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. 

Sensual erotic sex secrets

Orgasms aren’t a one-man job — you can (and should) help him out

Despite what it looks like in those hyperactive sex scenes in movies, most real orgasms don’t come from straight-up intercourse. Why? Because the clitoris — one of your two pleasure centres — is situated in an awkward spot that doesn’t always get the friction it needs during regular sex. To know what it feels like to have an O from start to finish, experiment with masturbation, treat yourself to a vibrator or help yourself to his porno stash (if that’s what it takes to show you all the possibilities). And don’t be shy about giving yourself a hand during intercourse. “It’s the only way I can reach orgasm,” says Catherine, 29, “and he loves the sensation of my hand down there too. I can squeeze him between my fingers while I rub myself, so it’s a little something extra for both of us.” Another orgasm-boosting move: Kegels. It’s a contraction and relaxation exercise that strengthens your pubococcygeal muscle. Contract the muscle for a few seconds (the way you squeeze when you’re trying not to pee), then release and repeat. “Kegels are a really essential part of becoming orgasmic,” says Whipple. “Tightening that muscle helps you feel him more, and it brings blood flow to the area, increasing lubrication and making you more turned on.” Mai, 28, attests to Keg- power. “I totally focus on that grip/release sensation; it’s so similar to involuntary orgasm twitches. My body takes over till I climax.” Another tip: Breathe. While you’re doing the deed, it’s easy to get so tense and obsessed with “Will I or won’t I?” that you shorten your breath, which slows blood flow and can dampen desire. So take full abdominal breaths, filling your belly, then exhale completely, says Roz Van Meter, sex therapist and author of Sizzling Sex in 30 Days. Also try breathing in sync with your partner, or reciprocal breathing (you inhale while he exhales). “Deep breaths keep you focused in the moment, heighten your sensations and make the connection with your partner more intense.” 

Sometimes what sounds like a scintillating idea can totally flop when put into practice. Sex therapist Roz Van Meter, author of Sizzling Sex in 30 Days, explains why these carnal stunts are big clinkers. The Forklift Ravaging each other up against a wall (like on an elevator) where he’s holding up your rear can bring on bumps and bruises as you attempt to line up your body parts, says Van Meter. Plus, his back and arms are going to burn out before either of you finish. 

Lingam erotic hot spots

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Lingam erotic romance her

Female Erogenous Zones 101

Remember making out as a teenager or college student? Remember how you’d spend so much time kissing your partner, kissing her neck and (possibly) touching her breasts through her shirt? You spent so much time on the non-sexual parts because, well, you weren’t allowed to touch down there yet. Now that we’re older and we are allowed to touch “down there,” we always cut to the chase. If you want to gear your partner up for an extra- special and pleasurable session of cunnilingus, start by kissing her like you were both teenagers again. You can only touch “down there” if she lets you! Like we said before, depending on the occasion, you can speed this up a bit if you or your partner are not inclined to spend an hour making out, but at least give her a little bit to get her warmed up. Here are some good points to start with: 

Lips

Kiss her, but don’t kiss her while thinking about what body part you’re going to lick next in four seconds. Kiss her while thinking about kissing her. Kiss her as though you were kissing her vulva and give her a preview of what she will feel tonight. Let her imagine those lips on her vulva - deep kissing like this will help you both get into the right frame of mind. Remember not to be too sloppy or too uptight. A little tongue will be nice, but let your lips do all the work. 

Neck

Not surprisingly, the neck is a very erogenous zone. Be careful not to kiss her too lightly or she will get tickled, but perhaps on this night, a little tickling might be nice. Also remember not to get too rough with her. Find a nice balance in between and stay for a few minutes. While in the neck area, you can also drift up to the earlobe and whisper to her how excited you are about what’s to come, or how tonight is just for her. 

Lingam erotic hot spots

Breasts

This is most men’s favourite part, but be careful not to dive right onto the nipples - it can be almost as detrimental as going straight for the clitoris. If she is wearing her shirt still, make an effort to caress her lightly with both your hands and mouth through her blouse. She will feel the light touch and become aroused, but she will not be shocked with the more intense touch that will come when her blouse has been taken off. Speaking of, make a big deal about taking off her blouse. Do it slowly and deliberately. Take off her bra in the same manner, and give her the attention you would give her if you were seeing her naked breasts for the first time. When caressing her with your hands, make sure not to pinch her nipples too hard - you can roll them between your thumb and forefinger like you would roll a cigarette, but don’t press down or pinch. When beginning to lick the breasts, again, don’t go directly for the nipple. Lick all around her breasts for several minutes, working your way down. Once your mouth is on the nipple, you can swirl your tongue around it like you were licking an ice cream cone. This feels divine! Another technique is to flick the nipple with your tongue. Spend lots of time (unless your partner is nudging you downwards!) caressing and licking her breasts and nipples - studies show that there is a direct link between the breasts and the clitoris. Also, once you do begin cunnilingus, don’t forget about her breasts! Many women enjoy their nipples being caressed while their vulva is being licked (and we’ll delve more into that later in the book). 

Stomach/Belly Button

This can be a very erogenous zone, but it usually is not. Light kisses work best here, because there needs to be a transition between the top half of the body and the lower half. Extreme licking in this area may turn a woman off, but feel free to use your tongue a little bit - but again, light kisses work best in the stomach area. Don’t stay too long in this zone because it is not directly giving her pleasure. Waiting too long in between the pleasurable zone of her breasts and the actual cunnilingus may cause her to become frustrated. 

Inner Thighs

This is a good place to go before jumping right into the vulva. If your partner is self conscious about her inner thighs, don’t spend long here, but you want her to feel the warm wetness of your mouth and your heated breath before putting your lips on her vulva. This will get her anticipating your tongue even more! Be careful of ticklish thighs, however, and avoid nibbling if your partner is ticklish. If she likes it, however, nibble away! If you want to tease her even more, alternate between licking her vulva a little bit and staying in between her inner thighs. Again, be aware that too long in between pleasurable activities (or in this case, too long before finally giving her vulva pleasure) may frustrate her and turn her off. If you pay attention to her cues, you will know when she is ready for you to begin cunnilingus. 

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Erotic massage

This is sensual touch at its most exciting. Unlike traditional massage, which relaxes and unwinds, erotic massage stimulates the receiver’s nerve endings and the giver’s senses, and will leave you both feeling hot and sexy. This type of massage is an excellent form of foreplay. Kiss, touch, and massage to create an all-over-body sensory experience. Surprise each other with new types of touch. Focus on obvious hot spots like the genitals, breasts, and bottom, but also target the inner thighs, lower abdomen, and other sensitive places. Finish by playing with the idea of happy endings—erotic massage, just like any form of prolonged foreplay, can lead to more intense orgasms. 

From behind

Get into a spoons position, so that you can kiss and nuzzle. Ask him to smooth his hands down your back and side. When he gets to your bottom, suggest he reach between your legs and gently massage your labia. When you’re feeling aroused and wet, he can massage your perineum. If this is a new sexual experience for either of you, let him gently massage your anal region with one well-lubricated finger—lie back and enjoy.

Chest play (BREAST STIMULATION)

Ask your man to trail his fingertips delicately over your body. Ask him to cup your breasts with his hands while he kisses your neck and nuzzles your ears. When he moves on to massaging your breasts and nipples, ask him to keep his touch light and gentle, as nipples (both men’s and women’s) have lots of very sensitive nerve endings. He can use his other hand to rub your labia and clitoris. Not only will you be getting turned on, he will also get to admire you as he arouses you with his hands. Just make sure you keep telling him what feels good and encouraging him by giving him plenty of positive feedback on his technique.

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Female arousal

Women are complex creatures, so it’s not surprising that sometimes we find it hard to just flip a switch and get in the mood for sex “right now.” This doesn’t mean we are not aroused by the same stimuli as men. Watching a sexy movie, thinking about a favourite sexual fantasy, or watching a semi-naked guy walk down the beach turn us on. Arousal is instinctive for men and women, but women sometimes need an extra step—a sincere compliment or a sensual kiss—to get turned on.

Everyday arousal An underlying factor in female arousal is that sex begins way before the bedroom. In other words, if nothing sounds sexier to you than a long bath, a nice dinner, and freshly laundered sheets, you are probably a woman. It might not be easy for him to understand, but sometimes the sexiest thing your partner can do is to help you cut down on your to-do list, so that you can have the space, time, and energy to really focus on sex.

Peak arousal While some men can become aroused and get an erection in just a few minutes, women can take up to 30 minutes to reach their arousal peak. So take your time and make sure that foreplay is on target. Men often don’t realize that women need extra stimulation to reach a state of arousal where they can achieve an orgasm. You might want to be treated to a little luxurious body stroking, some gentle massage, and perhaps oral or genital play to get you ready. This is particularly true if you have been faking orgasm (a big no-no). If so, you will need to start afresh and tell your partner what moves you need to really get you in the mood.

Ask to be aroused If you want extra foreplay, try treating your partner as you wish to be treated. Slow things down by performing oral or manual sex on your man, and then ask him to do the same. Set the scene with candles and music, and make foreplay the focus of the evening. If your partner still isn’t addressing your needs, don’t be afraid to spell it out for him. Men like directness; they are usually not very good at picking up subtle clues, such as the fact that you’ve changed your hairstyle, bought new underwear, or had your nails done. To increase the time you spend on foreplay, start by telling him what turns you on. If you are seeking a change in the bedroom— such as the addition or removal of a certain technique or position—use positive reinforcement instead of complaints. Tell your partner, “I love it when you stroke me softly and slowly—it makes my whole body come alive,” or “I love it when I get to take control and be on top. I love to see the pleasure on your face.” Any type of positive reinforcement is sure to stick in your partner’s head and help him to focus more directly on what gets you feeling aroused—and he won’t even realize that the whole thing was your idea.

Pleasure places The best compliment you can pay your lover is to show him how his touch arouses you. Encourage him to focus on new erogenous zones: head massage can be sweetly sensual; having your nipples and breasts touched is an obvious path to arousal; or a nibble on the neck might be more to your taste. Try a mix of touches to see what gets you in the mood.

Head massage It feels wonderfully sensual when your scalp is massaged at the hair salon. Your partner can recreate this pleasure by gently playing with your hair or caressing your scalp, stimulating a series of nerves whose effects you will feel all over your body. Ask your lover to kiss and stroke the nape of your neck as well—the area is rich in nerve endings and stimulating it can be deeply arousing.

Nipples and breasts How you like to have your torso, breasts, and nipples touched is individual to you. Encourage your lover to experiment with different types of touch. He can use his mouth, lips, tongue, or even his penis to gently rub and caress you into arousal. Some women love having their nipples sucked, and even gently teased with their partner’s teeth and tongue. If you enjoy this, tell him so. If not, ask him to use his hands and fingertips to lightly massage your breasts and nipples, using light swishing touches and strokes.

Scratching and biting Using your nails and teeth is considered to be deeply erotic in the Kama Sutra and it’s worth spending time experimenting with different types of mouth- and finger-play. Ask your partner to lightly scratch your upper arms, your back, and then your inner thighs. Encourage him to gently bite your neck, your chest, the backs of your knees, and your palms. Nerve endings are the key to pleasure, so get him to go for those sensitive spots that crave touch. 

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